Unfit 2 Print

All (ok, some) of the pop culture, media and entertainment news that’s not fit to print

Archive for January, 2008

Iowa Man with 524 Facebook Friends Still Has Nothing to Do Saturday Night

Posted by Raj on January 28, 2008

In breaking news, 23 year old Jeremy MacDougall of Cedar Rapids, Iowa stayed in Saturday night with nothing to do, despite having 524 Facebook friends. He reportedly had sent out a few messages during the week along the lines of “What’s going on this weekend?”, and, “Let’s do something Saturday night”, and received either, no response, or Facebook messages back from friends saying that they were busy. On Friday, MacDougall even posted on his Iowa Network’s Wall (a virtual bulletin board on Facebook) asking people to let him know of any parties happening on Saturday night in Cedar Rapids or Des Moines. He received no responses or event invites.


Posted in 15 Minutes of Fame, Social Media | Tagged: | 5 Comments »

Church of Scientology Expels Tom Cruise

Posted by Raj on January 22, 2008

The Church of Scientology held a press conference yesterday to formally cut ties with Tom Cruise. The prepared statement read in part, “After much careful deliberation, we have decided that it is best for all parties concerned that Tom no longer be affiliated with the Church. This is not a decision we took lightly, but in light of many factors, including his recent lackluster box office performance and the ‘ickiness’ of his relationship with Katie Holmes, we thought this was the most prudent action. That, and frankly, he’s a little out there even for us, and that’s saying a lot.”


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Posted in Celebrities in the News | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

New Hampshire Man Can’t Find Globe in Travel Store

Posted by Raj on January 16, 2008

In an incident that gives more credence to the notion that American’s geography skills are deteriorating, a Portsmouth, New Hampshire man was unable to locate a globe of the World in a travel store Saturday morning. According to eyewitnesses, the twenty-something man, whose name is being withheld out of respect to him, his family and his past teachers, wandered aimlessly around the Rand McNally Travel store for close to 25 minutes trying to locate a globe. “Yeah, he just kept stopping at different shelves.”, said a Rand McNally salesperson. “It’s not a really big store and when he asked me where the globes were and I pointed to the selection of them at the back, I thought he would be ok. It’s really hard to miss them, we carry like over 50. He picked up a travel book first and looked confused, and then a suitcase I think. Finally when he came back up to me with one of those flip-up travel alarm clocks, thinking he had found the globe, it started to dawn on me that he may not know what a globe is.”

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TV Networks Admit, ‘Not Enough Hours in the Week for All Our Reality Shows’

Posted by Raj on January 9, 2008

An announcement many had expected for some time was finally made by the TV Networks yesterday. In a joint statement the major Networks announced that, according to Nielsen, the number of weekly hours of Reality TV programming had finally eclipsed the number of hours in the week. “It’s not like we were blindsided by this”, commented an NBC spokesperson. “Yes, the writers strike probably accelerated things, but it’s been a long time coming and we’ve had contingency plans in place for a while.” When asked if those contingency plans involved cutting the number of reality shows in production, the networks all gave pretty much the same answer. As a CBS Producer said, “Um, no. Why would we do that? Reality is great! Viewers eat this stuff up, we don’t have to hire writers and the best part is you can never run out of ideas. Even I can do it. Just last week I was thinking about all the homeless people in New York and how sad that was. Then I had an epiphany and a reality show popped into my head: ‘America’s Next Ex-Hobo’. Pretty catchy huh? It’s actually in pre-production now.”

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Jolie Adopts Entire Nation of Malawi

Posted by Raj on January 5, 2008

The citizens of Malawi were rejoicing yesterday as Angelina Jolie announced that she and Brad Pitt would adopt all of the one million plus orphaned children in the tiny African nation. It had been expected for sometime that Jolie would return to the international limelight with some humanitarian gesture but the magnitude of this announcement caught everyone off guard, including her most ardent fans. “Wow. Malawi huh? Not sure exactly where that is but that’s huge.”, said Jenny Carouthers-Smith of Sacramento, a twenty-something woman who runs a Jolie fan-site. “I was expecting maybe another adoption of a cute Asian kid or a maybe another cause like PETA that she was going to become a spokesperson for, but this is major.”

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Posted in Celebrities in the News | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Man Sues Hip-Hop Industry for Overuse of Interludes

Posted by Raj on January 2, 2008

Atlanta Man Randy Monroe filed a $500 MM class action lawsuit yesterday against the hip-hop industry for “monies owed fans for all the useless interludes hip-hop artists throw into albums”. In the suit, Monroe alleges that roughly 40% of all hip-hop album content is filler to mask the fact that most artists don’t have enough music to fill a whole album. In Monroe’s own words, “Why should we have to pay for this stuff? When we buy a P. Diddy joint, we want to hear him rap about how much more bling he has than us, exploit Biggie’s death for a few more bucks and rip off samples from popular 80’s songs. We don’t want to hear some cute skit or a taped phone conversation he had that he thought was funny, and we definitely shouldn’t have to pay for that. So I think we need to be refunded some Benjamins for those 10-15 minutes on each album that we never listen to. This suit is for the people and is a message to the hip-hop industry that the fans are not going to stand for this any longer. Artists need to spend a little less time getting under-aged honey’s preg-o and a little more time writing songs.”

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