Unfit 2 Print

All (ok, some) of the pop culture, media and entertainment news that’s not fit to print

Iowa Man with 524 Facebook Friends Still Has Nothing to Do Saturday Night

Posted by Raj on January 28, 2008

In breaking news, 23 year old Jeremy MacDougall of Cedar Rapids, Iowa stayed in Saturday night with nothing to do, despite having 524 Facebook friends. He reportedly had sent out a few messages during the week along the lines of “What’s going on this weekend?”, and, “Let’s do something Saturday night”, and received either, no response, or Facebook messages back from friends saying that they were busy. On Friday, MacDougall even posted on his Iowa Network’s Wall (a virtual bulletin board on Facebook) asking people to let him know of any parties happening on Saturday night in Cedar Rapids or Des Moines. He received no responses or event invites.


Frankly, I was shocked”, said one of MacDougall’s Facebook friends. “You look at his profile, all the wall posts and the 60 plus groups he belongs to, and you wouldn’t think something like this could happen. People are Superpoking him, throwing sheep at him and giving him cupcakes and stuff, so you just think that the dude is really popular.” When asked if she had received a message about Saturday night from MacDougall, the friend appeared flustered and replied “Um, yes, but I had this… thing to go to with some other people so couldn’t meet up with him.” Another of his Facebook friends was a little more forthright when he said, “MacDougall? Yeah he messaged me but I’m not really his friend. He came to a couple of my parties in College I think. He’s kind of a dork. Look, it’s Facebook, I’ll accept anyone as a friend. I accepted a friend request from my barber and the lady who serves me coffee at Starbucks. But do I want to hang out with them? Of course not. ”

MacDougall, who lists World of Warcraft and cheese among his interests on his profile, was understandably miffed when we reached him by telephone. “I admit it, it took me by surprise. With my Facebook presence I never thought this could happen. It just seemed like everyone was busy or had other commitments. But, the good thing is that it’s making me re-examine my life and my friendships. I thought Facebook was different you know, that it meant something, not like on MySpace where you can be friends with Jessica Alba just because you think she’s hot. I’m starting to question if my Facebook friends are my real friends. Is one five minute conversation at Paddy’s Bar and Grill a solid enough foundation on which to build a Facebook relationship? These are some heady questions I don’t think anyone has the answers to yet.”

Word of MacDougall’s lonely weekend even reached Facebook headquarters in California, but Executives refused to comment other than through an official statement that read in part, “While this is unfortunate, it’s an isolated incident. No, we can’t guarantee that if you have over 500 Facebook friends you’ll be popular or get some action from the ladies on a Saturday night, but your Facebook community is a vital extension of you. And we’re pretty sure the more Facebook friends you have, the happier, more successful and more fulfilling your life is. Oh, and click on the advertising links in your news feeds. Please.”

MacDougall, though, hopes Facebook will do something to refine its Friend categories. “I think Facebook needs to let people group friends into categories like ‘friends I would donate a kidney to’, ‘friends I would invite to my wedding’, ‘friends I wouldn’t even feel a little sad about if they had to undergo major surgery’, etc. just so you can see where you stand. It’s all about transparency.”

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5 Responses to “Iowa Man with 524 Facebook Friends Still Has Nothing to Do Saturday Night”

  1. rapleafwatch said

    Kinda tells you something about life in Web 2.0, non?

  2. Ashima said

    This is why I stopped at friendster :o) Never caught on to the myspace/facebook wave. Although now that facebook has oregon trail i’m so tempted!!!

  3. rapleafwatch said

    You’re obviously much smarter than the rest of us. I take it that you’re declining to participate in “Web 2.0” and the great social transformations that lie ahead?

  4. Smeeter said

    you mean the number of my facebook friends isn’t a sign of my popularity? i think i’m going to cry.

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