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Obama, Clinton at Loss For Words as Speechwriters Strike

Posted by Raj on February 3, 2008

In a sign of solidarity with their Writer’s Guild of America brethren, the nation’s top political speechwriters went on strike early Thursday morning. The move comes at the worst possible time for the Democratic and Republican candidates vying for their Parties Presidential nominations. The Head of the Political Speechwriters Association (PSA) commented on the decision, which caught most DC insiders off guard, saying, “We thought it was the appropriate action at this point. We don’t really have any grievances or complaints, it’s more symbolic. Just like the rest of America, we’re tired of watching The Daily Show without writers. It’s just not funny. Maybe this action will spur some governmental pressure on Hollywood to get a deal done, so we can also actually get to see the Scrubs series finale.”

When asked how this would affect the Candidates in advance of Super Tuesday on February 5th, the PSA Head responded, “We hope this will not be too much of an inconvenience to them. We’re sympathetic to their situations and have given all the Republican and Democratic candidates a 2008 Oxford Dictionary, the New York Times Style Guide and taught them how to use the Thesaurus feature in Word, in preparation for our strike.”

The effect of the strike can already be seen in the Candidates’ public appearances. Just today, while addressing an outdoor rally in Syracuse, New York, Barack Obama appeared flustered and incoherent on stage, saying at one point, Our Moment is Now. Me Black. Vote me now. Our Moment is Now. Ebony over Ivory. No harmony. You vote Obama. ” Hilary Clinton did not fare much better, as evidenced by her speech this afternoon to a packed stadium at Harvard University, in which she simply cried for 27 minutes, without pause, and then another 15 minutes during the Q and A session.


Without Speechwriters, Clinton Beefs up Crying Strategy

On the Republican side, political insiders reported that Mitt Romney stands to be the most affected by the strike. One political analyst commented, “Romney is going to be really challenged by this strike. The speechwriters at least did a good job of having him not come off as a religious nut. Now? Without the softening affects his speechwriters provided, he’s definitely coming off as uber-Mormon, which is not a good sign. Might as well stick a fork in him and call him Big Love if the strike drags on. Saying stuff like, ‘Polygamy is not such a bad thing… unless it’s same sex polygamy of course…then it’s just wrong. Like burn in Hell wrong”, might be a good platform to run a campaign on in parts of the Middle East, but it definitely won’t win him voters here, outside of Utah.”

One politician who is an unlikely casualty of the PSA strike, however, is President George Bush. Surprisingly, it was revealed today that Bush actually has been using a speechwriter during his terms as President . “Really?”, said one Senator, “Someone was actually writing for him? I just assumed that he had to be coming up with that stuff on his… I mean, really? Wow, I hope that guy can find work after the strike ends.”

Unfortunately, at the time we went to press, the Obama, Clinton, Romney and Bush Camps were unable to offer an official comment on the strike as their speechwriters were unavailable to craft it for them.

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