Unfit 2 Print

All (ok, some) of the pop culture, media and entertainment news that’s not fit to print

TV Networks Admit, ‘Not Enough Hours in the Week for All Our Reality Shows’

Posted by Raj on January 9, 2008

An announcement many had expected for some time was finally made by the TV Networks yesterday. In a joint statement the major Networks announced that, according to Nielsen, the number of weekly hours of Reality TV programming had finally eclipsed the number of hours in the week. “It’s not like we were blindsided by this”, commented an NBC spokesperson. “Yes, the writers strike probably accelerated things, but it’s been a long time coming and we’ve had contingency plans in place for a while.” When asked if those contingency plans involved cutting the number of reality shows in production, the networks all gave pretty much the same answer. As a CBS Producer said, “Um, no. Why would we do that? Reality is great! Viewers eat this stuff up, we don’t have to hire writers and the best part is you can never run out of ideas. Even I can do it. Just last week I was thinking about all the homeless people in New York and how sad that was. Then I had an epiphany and a reality show popped into my head: ‘America’s Next Ex-Hobo’. Pretty catchy huh? It’s actually in pre-production now.”

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Jolie Adopts Entire Nation of Malawi

Posted by Raj on January 5, 2008

The citizens of Malawi were rejoicing yesterday as Angelina Jolie announced that she and Brad Pitt would adopt all of the one million plus orphaned children in the tiny African nation. It had been expected for sometime that Jolie would return to the international limelight with some humanitarian gesture but the magnitude of this announcement caught everyone off guard, including her most ardent fans. “Wow. Malawi huh? Not sure exactly where that is but that’s huge.”, said Jenny Carouthers-Smith of Sacramento, a twenty-something woman who runs a Jolie fan-site. “I was expecting maybe another adoption of a cute Asian kid or a maybe another cause like PETA that she was going to become a spokesperson for, but this is major.”

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Man Sues Hip-Hop Industry for Overuse of Interludes

Posted by Raj on January 2, 2008

Atlanta Man Randy Monroe filed a $500 MM class action lawsuit yesterday against the hip-hop industry for “monies owed fans for all the useless interludes hip-hop artists throw into albums”. In the suit, Monroe alleges that roughly 40% of all hip-hop album content is filler to mask the fact that most artists don’t have enough music to fill a whole album. In Monroe’s own words, “Why should we have to pay for this stuff? When we buy a P. Diddy joint, we want to hear him rap about how much more bling he has than us, exploit Biggie’s death for a few more bucks and rip off samples from popular 80’s songs. We don’t want to hear some cute skit or a taped phone conversation he had that he thought was funny, and we definitely shouldn’t have to pay for that. So I think we need to be refunded some Benjamins for those 10-15 minutes on each album that we never listen to. This suit is for the people and is a message to the hip-hop industry that the fans are not going to stand for this any longer. Artists need to spend a little less time getting under-aged honey’s preg-o and a little more time writing songs.”

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