Obama, Clinton at Loss For Words as Speechwriters Strike

In a sign of solidarity with their Writer’s Guild of America brethren, the nation’s top political speechwriters went on strike early Thursday morning. The move comes at the worst possible time for the Democratic and Republican candidates vying for their Parties Presidential nominations. The Head of the Political Speechwriters Association (PSA) commented on the decision, which caught most DC insiders off guard, saying, “We thought it was the appropriate action at this point. We don’t really have any grievances or complaints, it’s more symbolic. Just like the rest of America, we’re tired of watching The Daily Show without writers. It’s just not funny. Maybe this action will spur some governmental pressure on Hollywood to get a deal done, so we can also actually get to see the Scrubs series finale.”

TV Networks Admit, ‘Not Enough Hours in the Week for All Our Reality Shows’

An announcement many had expected for some time was finally made by the TV Networks yesterday. In a joint statement the major Networks announced that, according to Nielsen, the number of weekly hours of Reality TV programming had finally eclipsed the number of hours in the week. “It’s not like we were blindsided by this”, commented an NBC spokesperson. “Yes, the writers strike probably accelerated things, but it’s been a long time coming and we’ve had contingency plans in place for a while.” When asked if those contingency plans involved cutting the number of reality shows in production, the networks all gave pretty much the same answer. As a CBS Producer said, “Um, no. Why would we do that? Reality is great! Viewers eat this stuff up, we don’t have to hire writers and the best part is you can never run out of ideas. Even I can do it. Just last week I was thinking about all the homeless people in New York and how sad that was. Then I had an epiphany and a reality show popped into my head: ‘America’s Next Ex-Hobo’. Pretty catchy huh? It’s actually in pre-production now.”