Spears Sisters Endorse Hillary

In an announcement that could shake up the Democratic Presidential nomination race, the Spears sisters, Britney and Jamie Lynn, formally endorsed Hillary Clinton today at a press conference. As the Democratic Primaries have heated up over the last few weeks, there had been much apprehension from both Clinton and Obama about whose camp the Spears sisters would end up in. Needless to say, the Clinton camp was elated after hearing the news, and many think this is the type of high profile endorsement that could push Clinton over the top and secure her the nomination.

A joint statement given by a spokesperson on behalf of the sisters said, “We’re sorry that we had to wait until this late in the game to announce our endorsement, but between the hectic nature of a public teenage pregnancy and Britney checking in and then fleeing the psychiatric ward, it’s been hard for us to meet and focus on the election. We know the American people look to us for guidance in times like this and don’t take our responsibility lightly.”

When we reached a Clinton spokesperson, she commented to us, “We couldn’t be more happy with this endorsement. Obama may have Oprah, but we feel that this kind of evens us up. We’ve coveted the Spears sisters vote for a while and Hillary feels that this solidifies our hold on two demographics of voters that are extremely important: the pro underage pregnancy vote, which surprisingly includes a lot of men from the South, and people whose lives peaked at age 24 and then began a downward spiral, which again represents a huge portion of the American population that has yet to vote. The fact that Britney and Jamie Lynn speak to both demographics is exciting!”

When asked for specific reasons for throwing their support behind Clinton, both sisters were quick to respond. As Britney told reporters, “I can understand what she’s going through. To be the other woman during her husbands’ Presidency and face the vicious, unjustified attacks by the press while that evil wife of Bill’s, Monica, smirked in the background; and then for Hillary to rise above it all from an intern and actually marry Bill. I like the fairy tale, feel good ending. I hope my life ends up that way.”

Jamie Lynn added her reasons, “It was a tough decision, but it came to down to wanting to back a strong woman candidate….oh, and Obama’s middle name is Hussein. What’s up with that? And while i can’t vote yet, I’m a Democrat at heart, so with the Obama vs. Clinton Presidential election this year, I felt I had to stay true to my party and endorse the Democrat.” When told that this was, in fact, just the Democratic Primary and not the Presidential election, which is scheduled for November, Jamie Lynn was heard to say, “Oh crap! Really? They aren’t even fighting it out for President yet? Damnit, we totally timed this wrong.”

When we reached the Obama camp for a comment on the Spears endorsement they gave us this statement, “While we are disappointed that the sisters chose to go this route, we will move on. The Olsen twins and the Hoff [David Hasslehoff] are still there for the taking, so we need to stay focused and concentrate our energies there.”